WOMEN OF COMEDY: Guest Blogger Julia Hladowicz

A Week in the Life of Julia Hladkowicz

Guest blogging! I’m doing it! I’ve never been a guest blogger before, and to be honest it’s making me a little bit nervous. When I write in my own personal blog, I can spew out garbage for the world to read, but when it’s someone else’s blog…the pressure is on! It’s my mission to write something so amazing that after reading this, you’ll never have to read again because it will have satisfied your literary cravings FOR LIFE. Just kidding, let’s get this shit storm rolling. I’d like to take a quick moment to introduce myself. My name is Julia Hladkowicz. I’m a comedian and actor, born and bred in Ottawa(GEAH!) but now reside in Toronto. I went to Canterbury High School for drama, and as a bright eyed bushy tailed 17 year old it was my plan to move to Toronto, go to theatre school and then instantly be famous. After getting rejection letters from my top theatre school choices, I chose my plan B, Comedy Writing and Performance at Humber College and the rest is history.

Stand-up comedy was never something I had considered before. If you told 10 year old Julia that one day she’d be telling jokes as a living(or trying to) I probably would have soiled myself. But now, I can’t imagine having it any other way. When I first started I was terrible, and I barely did it because the blank stares and occasional sarcastic chuckles from an audience was enough to make me want to end it all. Luckily, I’m persistent. Combine that with a hint of crazy and BOOM! A stand-up comic is born. Like anything you want to get good at, you have to practice. That means going to open mics almost every night of the week. Jokes don’t grow on trees. They grow in seedy bars with broken microphones, terrible lighting, and small audiences.

Most non-coms(people who aren’t comics…incase you were confused) don’t really fully understand the life of a comic. And I don’t expect them to. I’m still learning myself. I’ve been full assing comedy for about 3 years now.(I was only half assing it before) I’m not an amateur comic. Not yet a pro. All I need is time. A moment that is mine. While I’m in between.(As the great Britney Spears once said) But I’m doing everything in my power to make a solid career and comfortable living out of show biz baby.  I’d like to walk you through a typical week in my life, as a comedian and actor.

Let me just start off by saying, I’ve been unemployed for the past months. Jealous? However, a few days ago I got a job at a promotions company. Hooray! It’s tough finding jobs to fit my hectic schedule. I’ve been a barista, a waitress, hostess, a receptionist, an avon lady and most recently I did live, in-store infomercials where I sold knives. I was a knives salesman. I had to quit before I used the knives on myself. Terrible day jobs aside, a comic needs to treat their craft as a full-time job. Because it is. That can be hard to do because you are your own boss. There is no punch clock, no manager giving you duties, no specific start or end time, NO STRUCTURE. You need to make your own. I present: A week in the Life of Julia Hladkowicz.

Monday:

Mondays are particularly hard. I always just want to sleep the day away. BUT if I had a regular 9-5 job, I’d have to be up early and to work on time or my ass would get fired. So that’s what I try to do. (unless I had a few too many glasses of wine at a show the night before…) This Monday I woke up early, and made it to my 9am yoga class. I try to go to the gym regularly because A)it’s healthy B)it helps the creative juices flow and C)I’m competing with every other skinny bitch actress and I ain’t gettin’ any youger! And please don’t think I’m some pretentious yoga puff. I’m not. I’ve recently started because I’m as flexible as a trash can.  After yoga, I came home and got to working. This usually includes joke writing, tweeting, blogging, promoting shows, booking shows and scouring the internet for any job postings or casting calls. I have an acting agent but I also book a lot of my own work. Hours spent on craigslist, Mandy.com, Casting Workbook, submitting myself to various different projects. (Most are non-paying. ARRRG) I ran some errands, cleaned my apartment so my ultra clean roommate doesn’t have to live in a pig pen and on this particular Monday I went to a local bar to celebrate a fellow comedians birthday. That was Monday.

Tuesday:

Woke up. Showered, got dressed and slapped my contacts in. I’m usually a glasses gal, but I had a commercial audition Tuesday. Hoped on the subway, (because I don’t own a car, nor do I have a license or know how to drive because I’m a winner) wait to be called in, deliver my one line which is “AAAAHHH” and then leave. It usually takes me about 1 hour to get ready for an audition, 1 hour to get there, and 2 minutes in the audition room. Auditions like this can happen anywhere from  zero-five times a week. Let’s just that I’ve gotten used to rejection, but it always stings a bit. Once I got home I get to working again and then I had a meeting with the cast and crew of an independent film I’m shooting this weekend. After an unsatisfactory meal of cucumbers on bread(I was in a rush) I scooted over to a local open mic to try out some new jokes. Some were hits, come were misses. That was Tuesday.

Wednesday:

Or should I call it the day I wanted to fight mother nature? I hauled ass to the gym, even though it was hailing outside. Came home, got dressed and set out to another commercial audition. This one required me to take a subway, 2 streetcars and then walk for 10 minutes. This normally wouldn’t bother me but between the side ways hail that was pelting me in the face, the streetcar that took 40 minutes to arrive, the broken ATM machine, and homeless man who reeked of pee, I was ready to punch a kitten. After 2 hours, I arrived to my audition late, soaking, and with make-up smeared all over my face. Which I only realized AFTER my audition. Always bring a pocket mirror ladies. After 5 minutes I was done went back home, not before buying myself some flowers to brighten up the rainy day. Finally arriving home at 5PM(I left my house at 1PM) I did a phone interview with the Humber Et Cetera. They’re writing an article about a stand-up show I host and produce, Grindhouse Comedy. It’s the 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month at Grindhouse Burger Bar. If you’re even in Toronto, check it out! Then I trotted off to Yuk Yuk’s to do a set. That was Wednesday.


Thursday:

It’s actually Thursday right now as I’m writing this! Today has been a rather lazy day. I think I’m coming down with something. I did some work in the morning and then grabbed a sandwich in Kensington with another comic. Upon returning to my humble abode I got down to blogging! Now I’m looking up flights to Texas, and man are they expensive! I got accepted into LAFF(Ladies are Funny Festival) in Austin, and I’m trying to find the cheapest flight possible! I’m also hoping that you readers will find my ramblings somewhat entertaining or I’ll cry myself to sleep You wouldn’t want that now would you? Tonight I’m staying it. I’ve got lines to memorize and these next few days are nuts. I feel like I’m slacking on stand-up this week but hey, sometimes you just don’t have time.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday:

To finish of the week I’ll be on the run for the next 3 days. Shooting a film about Abortion; The Comedy!  Just kidding, it’s a drama. After shooting all day Friday I’ll do a set at the Texas Comedy Massacre and then be up at 6:30am Saturday for my 8am call time. Sunday will wrap around 2:30pm, I’ll go to my acting class from 3-6, head to an open mic, then Monday will roll around where I start a new acting class and start the whole process over again! Phew! I’m guessing somewhere in between I’ll start my new job?

Well folks, if you didn’t already know…now ya do! No matter what career path you choose, there are always going to be struggles but at the end of the day you need to be satisfied with what you’re doing. Like I said, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. If 10 years from now I’m still doing unpaid gigs and working as a waitress I’ll probably be singing a different tune, but for now I’m livin’ The Dream. My Dream.

Big Hugs,

julia hladkowicz

www.juliacomedy.com